Marriage the Way He Intended

My nurse (who is not usually on this floor and who I just met last night) came in a little while ago.  While talking about meds and schedules she asked if it was my boyfriend/fiance/husband who stayed last night.  I told her that, yes, it was my husband.  She then said she had been talking to one of the aids on the floor and asked him if he'd told his wife "Happy Mother's Day".  He apparently said no and that she called him a "jackass".  The nurse then said "I called my husband the same thing.  Must be hereditary in testosterone".  I was honestly just shocked that she would tell me that and had no idea how to respond.  I just did that half-smile thing to acknowledge I heard her and said nothing.  I wish something would have come to mind, though I'm afraid it would have been some smart aleck comment that would have done more damage than good.  Several things came to mind afterward, of course.  If you tell a complete stranger that you've called your husband a thing like that, I'm sure it's safe to assume it's a pretty common occurrence.  So, something along the lines of "So are you getting divorced soon?  I know if I called my husband that repeatedly, he'd certainly not have a lot of motivation to stay with me".  Or "Does he call you things like that too?".  Or "I guess you don't have a lot of love for him, huh?".  But like I said, I'm sure these would have done more damage than good.  

After going through all the inane possibilities in my head, I started thinking about marriage.  It's a passion of mine, to experience and encourage marriage the way God designed it to be.  I have a specific passion to encourage women to treat their husband's with respect, to give them encouragement to lead their families, and to build them up whenever possible.  This, of course, always means that we as women need to hold back when we want to yell, allow them to have the final say in all decisions even when we may not agree, search for every possibility to tell them we're proud of them, and to talk more about their accomplishments than supposed failures.  It's not always easy, but when you look at the job they must do, I think our part pales in comparison.

Marriage is the picture of Jesus, the Groom, with His followers, the Bride.  Jesus took our sins on Himself, and died in our place so that we could have life.  Husbands are held accountable for their families; for their wives and children.   They report directly to God for our sin.  After all, it is his job to be the spiritual leader.  They are also required to be willing to die for their wife.(See Ephesians 5:25-33)  Can you imagine greater responsibilities than those?  But we as wives make their jobs nearly impossible sometimes.  Have you ever tried to lead someone who obviously didn't want to be or refused to be led?  Have you been around someone who put you down all the time or called you names or yelled at you for forgetting an event or was constantly telling you you did something wrong?  It probably made it downright unbearable to be around that person, right?  You may even have cut ties with that person because of their personal attacks.  It's the same with husbands.  God has not only required them to, but has placed in their hearts the desire and the ability to lead.  It may not be the way you think they should lead and they may be completely apathetic about that calling, but that is not our part or our responsibility.  Our part is to *gasp* submit.  It's a nasty word, I know.  But that's the truth.  We are called to follow our husband's lead.  (See Ephesians 5:22-24 and notice that where the men have 9 verses dedicated to their role, women only have 3.)  That's it.  Whether you knew it at the time or not, when you said "I do" you were really saying "I will follow".  That IS our part.  It was a choice.  If you didn't want to be led, then quite honestly, you shouldn't have gotten married.  If you're already married, then you need to follow.  There is no gray area here.  Now, of course, there are exceptions.  If your husband is leading you to do something clearly against God's Word and will, then you should not follow.  But that is the only exception.  It's a tough task, but we're strong women, right?  We are up to the challenge.

So, thinking about what that nurse told me.  Can you imagine calling Jesus that name? (I can't even bring myself to put those two names in the same sentence!)  I'm not saying your husband is the perfect Savior sent down to heaven to rescue us from sin.  Your husband is a fallible human being, capable of mistakes...but let's face it, so are you.  So, unless you're prepared to hear the same things in response to your mistakes, refrain from saying things like "I told you so" to your husband when a mistake is made.

Just to perfectly clear, I am not perfect at any of this and make no claim to be.  You're welcome to ask Jake about mistakes I have made in our relationship.  I'm not proud of any of it and try with all I have to be the wife I want to be and who God has created me to be.  The point is to make progress.  If you're exactly where you were when you got married then you probably have some work to do.  If you've made progress, don't be too quick to pat yourself on the back.  You'll make plenty of mistakes to make up for any progress.  But make progress.  Move forward.  Don't stay stagnant in your relationships with either man in your life (God first, husband second).

And if you want to make your hubby feel extra loved, tell those around you how proud you are of him.  Point out the wonderful qualities he has and the little things he does for you.  I promise you, word will get back to him what you say about him, whether good or bad, so make sure it's good.  There are plenty of people in the world who will want to tear him down.  Make yourself the person he comes to to be renewed and refreshed.  He'll want to come home, and he'll want to be the husband God has called him to be.

I'll step off my soap-box now...

One last thing...I am obviously not ready to do anything with this passion if the previously mentioned thoughts are the first ones that come to mind.  I need prayer! :)